Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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