exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
