dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
