idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
