fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
