I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
