do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
