he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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