First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
