I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize