I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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