I want to walk on stilts...naked
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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