At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
