i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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