I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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