Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
