i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i came on her dog
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Pants are for mortals
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
