they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
