News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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