im drinking this country out of the recession.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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