Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
