There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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