i just wanna soil my oats bro
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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