I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
