If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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