he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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