Your mouth is God's brothel.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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