You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
