Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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