it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
