I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize