as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
