I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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