I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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