all she had left on were here heels. phone five
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
