I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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