You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
