I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
