In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
