we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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