Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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