You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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