It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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