im drinking this country out of the recession.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
