Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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