Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
