did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
