I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
