hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
How does one acquire holy water?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
