The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
