I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
