life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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