i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
