So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
