Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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