Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
