You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
