So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
