You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
