New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
