So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
