By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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