He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
