question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
