I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
