i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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