Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
