do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
