Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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