I just made out with a guy for $7.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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