dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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